Deli Mustard

When I was a kid, my mother had a friend I called "Miss Minnie." She was neither. But she knew everything. She probably knew who was buried in the tomb of the unknown soldier.

Sometimes, if we had early release from school, I got to go to lunch with my mother and Miss Minnie. My mother was fond of a German deli in Dallas (still there: Kuby's). So one day, we all trundled in the car and went down for corned beef sandwiches.

My mother warned Miss Minnie that the deli mustard in the little pot was hot. But Miss Minnie just narrowed her eyes and gave a shallow nod, as if to say, I am an urban sophisticate, dear. I have eaten steaks in Amarillo. I have picnicked at Platt National Park. I know what's what.

She smeared it in great gobs on her sandwich. And bit down.

I mostly remember her tears. The ones that seemed to say, Holy cow, I may not know everything.

Nose-spanking mustard. It's one of the joys of growing up in a home with German relatives. Even today when I put ketchup on a burger, my mother says, "I reared you better than that."

To acknowledge my roots, I've taken to making my own. And listen, it's ridiculously easy, no cooking at all. Here's the secret: I let a bottle of beer do most of the work.

I stir one 12-ounce bottle wheat beer, 1 cup red wine vinegar, 3/4 cup yellow mustard seeds, 3/4 cup brown mustard seeds, 1 tablespoon kosher salt, 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon, 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, 1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom, 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice, and 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves in a large bowl. I cover it tightly with plastic wrap and set it on the counter for 2 days to soften the seeds.

Then I pour the contents of the bowl into a large blender and set the lid securely in place. I blend for about 2 minutes, until thick and pasty. It's always too watery at first, but I know now the rule: patience. I have to let those seeds start to break open and blend up.

Once it's all pureed but still fairly grainy, I spoon it into jars and refrigerate for at least 3 days before using. Then I seal it up and store it in the fridge for up to 3 months.

If you make this gorgeous mustard, don't be a Miss Minnie. Go slowly until you get the hang it.